Fed Saves Nation


Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gets more than his share of grief.  He is, after all, just the present grand master for the Keynesian policies that have ruled Washington since the days of Herbert Hoover.


                 The Maestro

Trying to toe a moderate line, Bernanke’s Fed has “loaned” $12 trillion plus directly to insolvent banks interest-free to stem the financial crisis.  Then, of course, there was also the $700 billion gift from Congress to Wall Street the Chairman proposed known fittingly as TARP (Taxpayers Are Raped/ Pillaged).


With all this talk about the Greatest Depression and Wall Street shakedowns and, can you imagine, an imperial, corrupt Fed, it is past time for Ben Bernanke to solve all of the financial problems our nation is ever likely to face. Forget restraint. No one will ever again say that the Federal Reserve acts as the poodle for the global elites who happen to own the Fed.

Humble as he can be, Chairman Bernanke will use the same amount of time it took the Hebrew God to create the earth and its inhabitants.

Day 1 - At the crack of dawn the Federal Reserve will pay off the entire US National Debt.  This is to benefit every American.  All those grumpy creditors across the world should be happy now.

Day 2 – By work-time every American who wants one will be given a $250,000/year paycheck.  Work instructions to follow later.  This new monetary policy promises to more than quintuple federal income tax revenues.

Day 3
– By the time the Sun reaches its zenith all of the debts of every American will be paid in full, every mortgage, credit card and friendly loan of any sort.  No worries now.

Day 4 – By sunset every single American, man, woman and child, shall be given a flat $1,000,000.  Talk about the most affluent nation in history.  This is taking care of the common man.

Day 5 – In the dead of night China, Brazil and possibly Hungary will fall to a hostile takeover bid unheard of in its scope.  These nations will now work directly for the Fed.

Day 6 – Light years away, the Fed shall join with Goldman Sachs and the Mafia to indebt the entire Milky Way with the derivatives trade in toxic assets.  The frontiers are endless.

Day 7 – All day, Chairman Bernanke shall rest admiring his mastery of the Universe.

 Minions of the chairman assure the serfs that applying these policies will be a manageable uptick to the Fed’s balance sheet that is quite necessary for the good of the people.  The people will have to trust in the Chairman since not even Congress or the President can take a peek at the Fed’s finances.  Where did it get all that money?

Professor Keynes never dreamed it could be so good!